Falling, falling, fallen

The "Heart shaped I Love You" balloon that came all the way with love from halfway across the globe is no longer flying high above her workstation. Its now deflated and hanging via a thread from the same place... This is both an irony and a cold reflection of life... a balloon of love soared high above your head for a short period and then it slowly descends to lower ground as time wears it off... resulting in nothing but a mere hollow shell that now hangs but from a thread at exactly where it was once soaring high... so is life.

I'm tired... I am sick of everyone wanting a part of me... I need a break and I need to spend time with myself alone... I need to get reacquainted with myself again.

FA: Hi, I'm FA. Nice to meet you.

Me: The pleasure is mine

I am going crazy.....

I love the music of the night... the cool air and serene surroundings... my mind is clear (tho' extremely sleepy) and now I know for sure I'm crazy, weird, strange, for the lack of a better word... hopeless

I know of a man who is fond of me... and I do enjoy his company, we always (I think) have a good time together. We talk, we laugh, we joke and then some... the strange thing here is that he doesn't make my heart race whenever I am with him, I dont get the butterflies in my tummy feeling like as tho I was a teenager in love (Yes, I know I am growing old). And yet when I dont see him for many days, I will kinda miss him and start to wonder how he is doing. But the thought will vanish shortly cos I'll prob have found something else to occupy myself with...

Once again I'm convinced that I am growing old, and needless to say... heartless practical...

Half the year have passed me by... I look back and wonder what have I accomplished in the 182 days that went by me..... sad to say, nothing much really. I have been basically shuttering between work and home and that's pretty much about it. July is the month where you reap what you sow at work... so if I do not bring happy news in another week or so, my management must have thought I sowed nothing for the past year. And then I can safely declare that I should work long hours no more, take extra responsibilities no more and tell my management to go fly a kite cos I aint going to allow them to exploit me no more.

My mum picked up the marriage topic with me the other day... "You should find someone and get married if you can... its always good to have a family..." Sigh...... As a result, I decided to do some soul searching. I sat down alone this last weekend and asked myself very seriously why am I so evasive about this marriage thingy.

Well see.... my past few relationships have been far from good haven't be good. I notice that the relationship always starts off great and slowly sour over the months. Is it me or it is them? Have I changed or have they changed? Somehow I know a part of me wished that I can be like any other normal gal (not that I am abnormal) where I will meet the man of my dreams, get married to him and live happily ever after. I know that feeling of having someone to hold you and someone to snuggle up to... but I have encountered so many sad stories (others' and some of my own) that I am kinda daunted to even try again.

I think the problem lies with me, I am scared shit with the fact that I will have to wake up to the same face everyday for the rest of my life. I am not saying that I WILL get bored but what if I DO? And then what do I do?

I know I am selfish like that... but is there a better way? I don't want to be the stupid useless one who will fall in love and get bruised all over again. It hurts.... and some pain dont go away... even if they do, they scar you for life.

I have been wanting to write about this for the longest time.....

I just received my new business cards a couple of weeks back as my company was going thru this refreshed branding exercise. So as usual I stuck one of my new cards onto the refrigerator for my mum's reference. When I came home the next day after I stuck the card, my niece came up to me

Niece: Auntie... grandma says your company changed name

FA: Yes

Niece: So now your company is call "XX" and not "XX something something" (She dint know how to pronounce utilities)

FA: Yes

Niece: You know... actually I think your company shouldn't be called "XX" it should call "Rainbow".

FA: hahahahaha.... (see... the refreshed branding has 3 colors to represent the different businesses)

I like this children mentality... lotsa color means rainbow =)

Imagine... Company Name: Rainbow Industries Limited Tag line: We help you find your pot of gold

Its been a hell of a week... was helping out at a convention and expo manning the company booth. Its always interesting to me as I get to meet all sorts of people at such event. Refer to my previous experience last year. Well, I met freebies grabbers last year... and guess which type I met this year?

There was this woman who came to our booth to eat the snacks we catered for the guest. I can understand the whole concept where people come up to grab a few pieces and then walk away, this woman here grabbed a few pieces, sat right down at our discussion table to eat all the while conveniently ignoring our stares and what-so-ever. We waited for her to finish and then leave, but instead, she went for a second serving and then sat down again! I finally decided to approach her and offer my "service"

FA: Can I help you?

Woman: NO

FA: Oh... so you basically came here to eat?

Woman: (matter of factly) Yes.

FA: (totally disgusted)...

This woman had a total of 3 servings

Then there was this man..... he opened the lid to take a peep at the food inside it... then he grabbed a piece with his fingers.

Colleague: Can I help you?

Man: Yea, what is this? (showing the snack he picked up)

Colleague: Its a quiche

Man: Oh... (putting it back)

Colleague: Er.. you can put it back after you have touched it with your hands

Man: Oh yah.... (picking the same quiche back) its quite unhygienic hor?

Kill me.......

I received a wedding invite just today... not like I can understand why people choose to walk down the aisle, but I sent my wishes nonetheless.

I really do not mean to make fun of the whole sacred marriage thingy but I really cant help it. "I've found my best half" so he wrote in his invitation. Now, "best" is a very unique word here... I've heard of "my better half" but not "my best half". "Best half" means you have many halves and this one is the best? But then again if you are 1 half, there can only be 1 more half, (I mean after all 2 halves make a whole) so why best? Or you have found many halves and this is the best so you are marrying her? hmmmmm...... love makes you forget how to count =D

My boss showed the new org chart for the I-dun-remember-how-many times today at the meeting... once again I find my name in a different box... but this time round, seems my boss finally realized my concern on this matter. And boss told me "This is not finalized yet, we may still need to look at how we can organise ourselves. As long as your name is still here, you are safe."

Phew, and I thought I was going to lose my job soon since I am basically being kicked around filling gaps... after all my name plate fell off for no rhyme or reason.

Despite all the perks of being single where you can do whatever you want with whoever you like, or you can be yourself all the time, or you only need to answer to yourself for your actions or (insert 101 advantages of being single here).... there are also times when you feel so sad and wish there was someone to hold you and hug you and comfort you....

Its one of those times for me now... hugs for rent anyone?